you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
pop tarts are not kleenex
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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