You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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