please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
