Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
