I got chris browned last night
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize