I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
