Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
