my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
