Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
