I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize