Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
