If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize