apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
