He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
