I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
