Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
porn star boner night. come get it.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
