SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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