i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
