Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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