you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
