My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
