At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
