fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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