My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
