I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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