im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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