I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
