why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
