just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
