A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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