Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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