I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
