You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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