Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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