Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
