I want to have your abortion
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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