the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Randomize
