Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
