If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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