Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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