Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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