Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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