I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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