He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
