Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
