Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
