just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
