Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
