when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
