just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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