Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
