she said she was living bicuriously through me.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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