ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
