I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
