do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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