I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
