I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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