I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
we're making bets on your personal life
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
