you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
