also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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