what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
