You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize