you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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