At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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