my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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