Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
