Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
