I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
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