this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
