Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
