i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
