her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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